blog from previous closed account

Monday, June 30, 2008
想哭
i feel like crying now. I'm 22yrs old but believe it o not. I can't communicate with my parents. o i can say, i dunno how to communicate with my parents. This year end, i ady confirmed to go for vacation in HK. Even it is a place whereby i had been thr for the 3rd time but this time travel back to HK is not like past day, this time i plan to travel ard HK, and not jz staying at my aunt hse and waiting for the trip end. When ppl mentioned about travel, wat ppl will think next? Of course, money issue. Well, this travel, airticket is sponcer by my dad, but how bout other expenses. As v know, HK is a std living high country, not like malaysia RM8 u can complete ur dinner, in HK is common to spend about RM20 to complete ur dinner. I can't totally relying on my parents' pocket money. Air ticket ady very expensive, i can't be tat selfish that let my parents fully sponser on my expenses. Tat's y i plan to work during this one mth holidays. But unfortunately, i get shoot back. After one week of battling for looking for job, finally i get my job, is not really high pay, but at least i have income. But when i msg my dad on whether can fetch me to work o not? He remained silent. Tat's is not a main issue, the main issue is when i sms my dad, and told my mom i be going to work, guess what? my mom asked me to quit the job, cos she can feels that my dad dislike to fetch me in and out, and the problem is, my mom nagged on me said that y only one mth hols and i rush to work? I told my mom said that i need money to go HK. But she still nagging the same problem,"ur dad sure will scold u, y u want to work for only one mth holidays?" Den i start panic, cos my dad din reply me on the msg i sent, when he come back i can't imagine how dark his face will turning to be. Finally, he back from work, i can feel he very unhappy, he very mad. Mom den start scolding me that asked me to stop working. I dun understand, i din do anything criminal thing, i just working. I working to hoped during travel, at least my dad won't spent too much on me. I'm not the only one that dad needs to support but oso my sis who is coming with me as well. I really feel wanted to cry, y jz little thing and hv to control my freedom? I'm just working and not doing anything wrong. But y i have to face this issue? I understand somehow my parents might thinkning i shld enjoy my study life, and not working life. I understand they doing this is good to me, and hope my life won't be that hard. But y? i jz hope my dad won't too tired in working. But y they have to treat me like this? God, lately a lot of Qs i need to bear, i need to be tolerant, i need to learn. Things that happened last week, finally get settled. But now this new issue coming in again--parents problem. Y? i feel so scare, i feel i getting separated from my parents, from my family. Last week, i been worried on the feelings that i might seperated apart with my bf, and now this? GOD, pls let me know what u trying to tell me? I dun1 this, i jz hoped harmonize with my parents and my bf. But things non stop happening? It is a revenge on me that i being gossiping ard ppl? PLS GOD, i promise to keep my profile low. Pls stop keep giving me Qs.... Next week results on final are here. GOD, pls bless on me that everything go on smoothly. PLS GOD, hear my voice...I sincerely begging u... PLS GOD.... T.T
Posted by Babe at 4:24 AM 0 comments



Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Life Getting Miserable
Well, suppose i should be studying now. But i choose to relax a while by blogging. Friday is my 1st day of final exam, but somehow dunno y i keep loosing myself on not concentrating in my study. Today went to yam cha with friends for the whole noon, can u imagine how dangerous am I towards the attitude. I kept telling myself that i shld be concentrating on study, and non stop reminding myself that I'm not able to afford any failure happened on me. but unfortunately, i can't put myself together to focusing on it. Come back to the title i mentioned, life getting miserable. Economy now is in stagflation. Every price is hiking from day to day, but the economy growth remained constant. I still have one semester and my life of study will be over. Can't imagine by time, how was my career life will be. My first career choice, as a stewardess has fall out. Now i was doubting around on what i wanted to do after i finished my study. But somehow nothing pop out from my mind. Is so sad to know that i don't know what i wanted to be and what i wanted to do. Imagine if the salary is not as high as expected (well, for freshgrate the actual salary is definately way lower than expected), the oil price is keep on hiking, somemore oil will no longer subsidized to the public. u can imagine how miserable it is for normal employees. Before everything is inflation, people ady suffer in living. And now it could be worsen. How could i survive in this reality world, with no courage, no aims, no health, no stamina, and most importantly NO MONEY!!! -.-''
Posted by Babe at 11:02 AM 0 comments



Monday, May 26, 2008
good news or bad news
Finally, the result here, i have the chance to go for my first interview as a stewardess. It likes a dream i finally get my opportunity, this is a dreamt that i always hope to be since i was young, but now everything not in the right place. When i get a called from my cousin said that she had received the offer letter as well. i can hear my heartbeat were almost STOP! Reason, the moment that i most worried and now i have to face it. I have to face whether to received the job o not? to received it i have to forgoing my dear, my family. I was a horrible and most difficult moment for me. Suppose that this is the job that i always hoped to get it, i even always told my frens that no matter what, i will go for the job, and won't stay for anyone. But now I'm doubt! I feel so painful to leave my Dear here. I always remind myself, "he just my bf, not my husband. i shldn't forgoing my opportunity for a bf which our future can't be foreseeable. Somehow who knows that will he be my future husband. I shldn't wasted my time." But now the truth tell me, i don't want to leave him. Is tat really my faith? i really have to choose btw them. or GOD r u telling me that he is not the one? But y? let me met him? let me bump into him? let me fall into him? y if he not belongs to me, and U let me meet him? i know our character was definitely a nightmare. But y? y don't U give me courage to let him go? y give me a chance to met with him? I know what i wrote here now was definitely an idiot to myself. Blaming U and not looking at myself and correcting myself. But pls, give me a clue, give me a hint, let me know what shld i do next? The feeling was definitely torture...
Posted by Babe at 5:32 AM 0 comments